Well, I think I'm almost done for the next two weeks. I'm kind of fed up right now, to be honest. It's just not a good time for me, is it? Haha. Whatever. It's just because I'm not in a good mood, and I'm not really going anywhere right now. It's not like I really have much to do anyway. I need a hobby. xD I need to take up reading again. At least that took a hell of a lot of my time away and I wasn't as angry or frustrated in general... Haha.

Well, school is almost over! I have exactly two weeks starting today for normal classes. My English is extended but it's just essay writings and such. I don't want to fret so I'm trying to relax but the truth is I don't really want to. Someone needs to push my ass again. XP Unmotivation sucks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to my English and Math classes. But I am not learning much in my math class right now because I'm too worried. XP I take down all the notes but all I want to do is just end the damn semester already. I find it funny how I always find work so much easier than school. Well, at least I don't have to memorize a bajillion formulas for algebra anymore. the teacher's going to make a cheat sheet for our class containing all the formulae we need. so, instead, right now, i am going through my youtube subscription list and unsubbing myself from a bunch of them x3

i need it to snow already, guys. i need to be able to wake up one morning, put my clothes on, put my winter clothes on, then go to the park and jump into the snow and make a snow angel. i need to do that. there is NO snow on the ground. it is like, the 25th of november and it is still around 8 degrees during the damn day. =.=; or like, go on a long ass week road trip with a friend or two. guys, i won't lie, i am so bored. xp moths don't even scare me anymore. well, they still do, but i can kill 'em with ease.

-sighs- i don't even know how i havent' stareted crying like normally. lol. xp howell iss a good thing.

Yazz is so busy lately.
Nothing to do at home.
I'm bored and in a little bit of a crappy mood.
My birthday is in less than a month. School finishes in what I think is next week or the week after. I have a math test next Thursday that I am in no way ready for, fawk. XP
Wednesday's are the worst. =/
I don't even feel like watching porn, and I really do need to snuggle with Yazz. x_x;
Bleh.

You know how each one of us have our own "calming rituals"? They're all different; some of us have more than one.

Classes end in about two and a half weeks for us. My Final Exam for Math is on the 17th of December, and I'd say I'm a little ready for it - I just don't know what the fuck to do for the last bit of what we've been doing. Roots and Radicals is so confusing. I get the basics a LITTLE more, now - I have to reduce it until it can't be done any more. Kind of like factoring, I guess. I get the basics, really. The super small stuff. It's still not easy but it's a lot more understandable after a little bit of help from Yazz last Friday. But I am in no way ready for this stuff. Yazz has a hell of a lot to do this week so I can really only ask for his help on Friday, agen. Which is alright, because we won't be doing review until maybe this Thursday.

I have 50 pages to read for today. I think I'm also getting my last English essay back - totally bombed on that one, guys. XP No where near as good as I wanted it to be. 80 % essay mark no moar. *Sighs* And yes, I do feel the pressure. My heart-rate is generally a little more elevated all the time now. I haven't stopped caring completely for Math or English, which is surprising, because I started and then stopped. XD; French is currently non-existant, so to speak. I have 50 pages to read for today, a response due today in which case will most likely NOT be done today (I'll give it in to Con't ed tomorrow if it's not done by the time English class comes around), I have three math assignments done, one of which I've half done and the other two of which I cannot do because I do not understand how they are getting the answers. One of the proportional questions I don't understand, and the other two I think it's because I can't figure out what to set up and where. I'll be asking Sam because he's around but he's only going to be up around 2 PM (He works grave-yard shift, so yeah).

UGH. GUYZ. Final stretch and I don't freak out over school or I try not to freak out over school because then I am crazy-stressed and absolutely everything goes wrong if I start to freak out... over school. And I keep procrastinating more and more lately. I think it's because I just want it to end. XP It's almost over, though. =/ *Sighs* Then I have six weeks pretty much to myself.

So, guys, here's the deal.
I just took a second to think about it. I have one week and another two days after this week is over. I have less than a month left of school. I just need to get through this last stretch, pass things, and I'll be good.
One week at a time right now, and if I have to I'll take it a day at a time because thinking of school being over this soon is over-whelming and scary.

I need to start reading those fifty pages then start the response. :3

Oh, before I go: The original point of this post wasn't to talk about things freaking me out, rather it was the contrary - I was supposed to talk about how last night, before I went to bed, I let videos of Yazz and I play and fell asleep to them. Yazz's voice (in my opinion as well as a few others' apparently) is really that soothing and it does calm me down and relax me.

TO THE READING RAINBOW! X3

P.S.
Honey-loves, if you have any time to read my journal at all this week, I love you so much and I'm sorry if I'm being weird around you. Freaked out Jen + Stressy-ish + Overwhelmed, along with me worrying about how much you need to get done (You know I'm stupid like that) is making my head go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
But I love you and whenever I see you my heart flutters and I feel a bajillion times lighter than I usually do and *laughs* Abeler sweet heart

*|| Jenny ++ THE INTERNETS WILL END IN 2012! D; says (10:37 PM):

My idea of a perfect partner came along when I invented Isaac. Touchy feely male, flirty with many people but if he's in a relationship he is theirs, etc. He is well spoken, yatta yatta yatta. Then out of the blue came Yazz, and we were talking about it one day and I realized: "Holy crap."

Otherwise, you just want to punch someone in the face. Or a Unicorn.

But, enough about last night! I woke up this morning in a pretty good mood. I'm not sure if my period is completely done currently, but it is for the most part. =) Geoffrey is having his birthday party today. We'll be going to his house after taking Aikou out for a bit, then around 3:30 we'll be going to Angrignon to watch Zombieland at 4:15 or so. I'm not too excited, but I'm excited enough.

It's rather cold in Montreal right now. 4 degrees centigrade, and apparently supposed to rain today. BOO. There's going to be what I think is isolated showers next weekend. Here's hoping it doesn't rain down on us when we're out there fighting. Or snow, whichever the temperature allows.

I need to post this! Haha, I got distracted by solitaire then had to do chores.

*Shakes her head then sighs*

Another day.

*Sighs once more, then treads up to her room*

I'm going to the doctors again this morning. Why? Because I decided that I don't want it to get too bad. Ten days is ENOUGH for the antibiotic to take it, heal it, and then it should be completely gone. But it's not. It's back, and it does hurt to swallow. Not much, in fact it's pretty much about 1/4 of last time, maybe 1/2, but it still hurts, so I'm going back to the doctors again. 10 days on antibiotics is completely enough time for it to be healed and gone, tyvm. D: It's only one tonsil, too - my right one. And this time around I don't know wtf my mini flashlight is. ACTUALLY WAIT I DO XD *gets her bag* *Sighs* So yeah. There's one string of white on patch on my right tonsil, and then another one on my left. But my left tonsil isn't swollen.

I'm downloading two bleach episodes. That'll keep me busy for about an hour or so while waiting for the doctor when I'm inside the actual place. I'm leaving at 7 AM like I did on Halloween. XP *Scratches her head* It was fine on Tuesday, then Wednesday it came back. D: Bleach 244 doesn't seem to want to downloadd. Ughhh. XP

So, I'm not taking Aikou out with Yazz like ah wanted ta'. *Sighs* Oh well, it's okay. He'll be coming back and spending time with me until about 11 tonight or so. 'cause we 'have to go to work'. <3 (I love you ^^) I called him this morning, and when we were going to hang up he started being silly. He was acting like a puppy and it got me all smiley. And then I went: "I'm scratching your head" and he did the puppy-noise affirmation to tell me that he likes what's happening. *nods* And it made me smile from ear to ear. Aren't we cute? Very retarded-like cute? XD

Anyway, luckily for me I do have breakfast that I bought on Tuesday that I was going to use with Yazz but never ended up doing. XD So I have a free breakfast for myself today, meaning all I really need to do is keep myself pre-occupied while I wait outside for about an hour or so before the doctors office actually opens and they let me in. And yes, I realize I'm leaving early and that the last time there was only one girl there who was waiting from 6:30 - and she wasn't even first. Anyway, I realize I'm probably not going to be first, but if I'm not something like the 6th person, then it's all good. XD

RAWRGH WHY IS HAS BODY UNCLEANLINESS. *Annoyed, then tries to make a noise while stretching* o.o it came out unexpectedly and it was loud but i made it and it was the right one. -nods- ^^

*nuzzles her love-puppy* I love you so much sweetie. ^_^

YAZZ.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SICK.
i NEED TO ANNOY YOU WITH LOVE AND MORE LOVE AND MORE LOVE. (I feel better now. naps aer good xD)

But seriously, please feel better sweetie. ._. I don't want you to get sick and if it's my fault i'm going to CRY! No, I'm not. You can completely blame me and I will feel bad but it's pretty much out of my control. But srsly, plz feel better ToT *hugs tight* I really do need to love you long time D:

I guess that's why there's so many problems. It's just a ton bunch more harder to control any damn emotion on my period. Hormones and Estrogen levels and bleugh.

I'm on my period and right now it just feels like Yazz isn't even paying attention to me. Woo. I was honestly going to make this a private entry, but I won't. Everyone else'll come into the room, and he'll see them, but when I come in it's just me. It feels like I don't even mean anything to him right now.

Like, okay! Jealousy and me being retarded, I can handle when I'm off my period. I can reason. But I'm trying to reason and right now, since I'm bleeding, it's just not working. I've gotten so angry at him twice, within the past twenty four hours, and I think twice (I'm hoping once, heh) i've been majorly annoyed with him. I do not like this angry emotional period jen. I'd much prefer depressed period-jen. That, I can handle. I'll cry, and I'll bawl, like I did on Tuesday, but after that I'm good for the rest of the week. This whole "being angry at Yazz" thing doesn't cut it for me, and frankly it doesn't cut it for him, either. And I'm not angry AT him, I'm angry for the stupidest fucking reasons, too. Take, if I may be so brave as to say, for example, "Oh, she's pretty. Like, really pretty. Like, REALLY pretty. SHE'S SO PRETTY JEN, OHMYGOD."

Now, of course I'd be a little ticked off at that. It's perfectly reasonable, as far as I know. I'm a girl, he's my boyfriend. I'm supposed to be the centre of his universe, but I am obviously not, because he is Yazz. Can you sense the hostility? I mean, seriously. Usually I'll just dismiss it as "Yeah, she's pretty. Maybe not that pretty to me, but we've got different definitions anyway." and I'll tune the rest out, or just let him ramble on. But I'm just so fed up and frustrated with hearing it, fuck. Talk about a blow to self-esteem. No, Yazz, it's NOT ACTUALLY OKAY to do it as often as you do. And I put it up with it because I let it happen, otherwise every other time you mentioned it I'd just walk away and leave you there and we would've been finished a long time ago. It's not bad when I'm on my period because I can reason with myself. I know I have the upper hand. I know we're compatible. Don't get me wrong, I know it now, nothing has changed. It isn't as if I've suddenly forgotten everything. I actually remember things, thanks. At least most of the time. (I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch but I need to vent right now, okay? And I need to do it to my journal, not to you. I love you sweetie..) But I can't fucking deal with it on my period, man. I swear to god I was going to come home, lock myself in my room and just start kicking and punching everything. But I didn't and I told myself I'd wait until tomorrow. I'm so angry! Grarrghhh! As retarded as that last bit was, it did make me smile on teh inside a little so is good.

You can tell I'm not in a very good mood if I'm typing properly. If I'm not missing a word here or a word there. If I am, then I'm in a good mood. I'm typing and it looks silly, because I feel good. and maybe silly, but that's okay.

*Sighs* I'm probably going to rant or bitch some more later today but right now I don't really... let's just say I just want to say "whatever" to pretty much everything, but I'm not going to.

I got my new medicare today, by de wey. :3
It's not asking for much for you to be a little more subtle while I'm on my period. xD That's all I'm asking. The nudge, then the head cock toward the persons' general direction, and me possibly asking who if I don't get it at first - that's all completely fine. I'll agree or disagree. But I'd rather not feel like absolute shit whenever I'm with you.

Like, I have to be careful around certain times of day and certain areas when I'm with you already. I've accepted that, that's cool now. It took me more than 9 months to get over, but I got over it. You're legit scared you'll be deported (which I don't understand why, because you're 21, but that's just me not comprehending your mind set yet again). But BLARGH.

You already know that when I'm on my period I'm super rando volatile. Even the days leading up to it, I am. Which doesn't make things fun at all, both you and I know this.

Hah, maybe I should just send this to Yazz as a letter. Nah, I'd rather not.

Fuck I don't even like going anywhere today man and I still have to go to my god damn math class
Fuck my life

 I'm makin' a pressie for Yazz, guys. :) Yes, makin'. Not like scrapbook or roses, though I'm probably going to make a rose for him sometime soon just because. So yes sweetie, be carful or I ambush you with a rose. (Doesn't that sort of remind you of Tuxedo Mask or most ballroom dancing?) :3 

Oh, also, go read NaNoWriMo`s history. 

I stopped taking my pills... yesterday morning, I think. My penicillin pills. Now, I'm not sure if my throat is supposed to hurt slightly after it. I know I'm not having too much trouble swallowing but I'm a little worried that it's already coming back or I didn't have a strong enough dosage? If it gets too bad then I'll do something about it. The crappy part is I'm on my period, so things in general are pretty wonky for me right now. 

Yazz is going to wake me up at about 5.30 AM tomorrow, which is good. But I had to persuade/tell him that he needed to. XP He wanted me to rest but I was resting ALL TODAY and now I'm just... blah. XD The good news is I'm on my period. The bad news is everything in my body is very angry with me, and my emotions are being pretty retarded. Moreso than usual when I'm on my period. I'm sad/cry-face/depressed, which is normal for me on my period. but me being randomly angry to the point of just wanting to shut people out is rather new. XD Give me time, I'll adjust. I did it pretty well/quickly this evening. 

So, I've been thinking of keeping a mini-side journal on my laptop. At the end of the day, I'll document everything I did that day. It will start with variants of "Today", and end with "MLIA." Just kidding, or maybe I'm not. It seems a bit interesting, and I'll get to read it at the end of the month to see how my days go. Mundane, amusing, fun, etc. I'm not sure if I'll be documenting any specific emotions, just rather vague ones. Although I suppose all emotions that can be pinned with a specific name or word are vague. Anyway, I'm not too sure how it's going to go. I don't know what format I'll be writing it in either, so this should be fun. Think of it as my own NaNoWriMo, except that not that intense. I might start for December though, seeing as how It's already November 11th. I guess December is an odd time to start though, because of exams, holidays, etc. We'll see when I decide to start.  

But yeah. That's pretty much that for today. I updated my blogger and I am pretty beat. I need to sleep naow. Yazz tried to crack my back but it was stiff so it wouldn't work. Silly body, you're not supposed to be that stiff! 

*Tackle hugs Aikou*

 So, being moody because of my pills pulled a major fuck you on me. Which is okay, because I'm on my period now and it's all good. I'm not really thinking of killing myself, ever, anymore. Just the thought of "what would happen" and "what would it be like". What would happen: A lot of people would grieve. A lot of people would be pretty damn sad. I'm not being egotistical, it's the truth. If anyone does, their friends and family members are usually sad at their death. They may celebrate differently than other places, but in the end it's the same. I have no idea what it would be like, though, nor do I intend to find out any time soon.

So, as some of you know, Yazz lives near an overpass. It's weird. I'm not suicidal or depressed, but every time I look down upon the oncoming and on going cars through the overpass, I just feel like I want to jump. It's a random feeling, and it's that specific overpass. Ohwell~ 

I'm listening to "Walking In Memphis" by Marc Cohn right now. It's a good song. I'm also bleeding. And incredibly happy about this X3 

I didn't want to, but I did need it. ._.; Thank-you for letting me do it. I still want to do it more, by the way. But I'll try to toughen up as best I can for you, right now. 

JEN SMASH! 

Guys, I kind of want to go shopping for a pretty pretty dress D; But I don't need a pretty pretty dress nor do I have anything to wear one to. D: :((((((((( 

IN OTHER NEWS ;D
Ttly can't wait until this Friday. 8) Not because it's the 13th but because this Friday I get to dress up and be AWESOME like I wanted to do on the 30th but couldn't because I had an infection boo

speaking of which, OH SHIT PILLS D;

You know what's funny? Vista is like Voldemort. "He who shall not be named". They don't actually name Vista on the Mac commercials. Lol
So, I made a cake yesterday.

Oh my GAWD It is SO GOOD. I can bake cakes well. 8)

*Sighs* So, Happy Birthday sweet heart. I love you! :)
Today's been a good day so far. =) I'm going to visit you during your breaky-break. *nods* I'm a ninja~ who is in a pretty damn good mood. XD ^^

Contrary to last night, obviously. Haha, silly period XD

 *Sighs* Guys, I'm losing it again. It sucks. I just don't want to bother with stuff right now, much less anything. Right now, I am mostly fake-happy. Which isn't gay, it's retarded. Ha-ha. 

In other news... Yazz made me real-blush yesterday. Heyyyy, look at that. The first time in I don't even know how long that it's not a good thing. 

It's my period, guys. Let me blame it on that for the week. 9:39 PM and I'm going to bleed on Wednesday or so. I need to re-stock on no-baby pills, sometime this week. 

I TOTALLY HAD A PERFECT KISS TODAY GUYS :D

I'm happy about this. *nods* XD Extremely. ^^ 

I love you Monkey-Face! <3 

 Men Who Stare At Goats = Good Movie.
Party for Yazz = successful.

Et maitenant, bonne nuit, tous les mondes. 

Yazz, baby. I love you with all of my heart. 

Totally the best song ever (And yes, I am a girlie girl, sad but it's for love ;P). 

 You know what's awesome?
Snuggling.

You know what's even more awesome?

Snuggling with someone you love.

Ah Lahb Youh, Monster. <3 

Kisses,
Rawr-Love! 

(I haven't done anything today. I've practically slept all day and I'm pretty alright with that. I wanted a day to myself, anyway...)

I have an essay due on Monday in English. I'm probably going to start on that tomorrow, actually. 

Yazz is my love.