Most hated was probably any sport, for a while. I was actually kind of a chubby kid - liked being outside, roller blading and biking, but I didn`t really care for any other sport. Then I got to grade 5 and we were playing soccer, and I found it really, really fun. It interested me, and I honestly don`t have any idea as to why. Probably the fact that it had two names instead of just one - it was football in Europe and everywhere else in the world, where as in North America it was soccer. We had American Football, and Soccer.

Baseball has never struck a large chord of interest with me, sad to say - but it is fun to play, at least softball is with friends like Mannie and Adrian (Mannie is Nicholas`brother).

As for what sport or game was my favourite...? I've always had a thing for playing dodgeball, ever since grade 4. I remember it well; it was when Avery was still in Canada and in my own class. People were dwindiling down like crazy - I ended up being the last person on my team, with two other people on the other team - Avery and someone who's a relative of his. The same thing happened again in Grade 11... I lost both times, but that's OK. The dodging skills make me feel so awesome. Soccer's been a favourite just to play with friends for no reason at all - even if it's on a full field or not. I've also had a thing for working out, or rather doing the stretches in class - they were fun, and at times hilarious.

As for what I hated in terms of athletics/sports... I think it's the 10 minute run I had to do every year. Don't get me wrong, I've got a love-hate-relationship with that thing. It's amazing knowing you've ran for that long, straight, and not stopped, even if you get a cramp. It's also amazing if you get a cramp, deal with it while running, and it goes away, and you can continue it. But my goodness is it a bitch. Out of breath, red-faced... *sighs* Jeeze.

There was a time I hated Volleyball. Evan was my parnter. I had a crush on Evan. Yeah, not much to that. XD I've never really gotten into Volleyball or Badminton. Everything else I've always given a slight chance.

Fellow readers, as we all know it is the end of November – practically the beginning of December – a time for celebration of the winter solstice and Christmas / Yule season. Also, my birthday is soon. And Jesse’s birthday is today. Happy birthday, Jesse!

Now, taking a look back at this year – starting from the earliest months – you’d think that this was one of the worst years on record for a single person. Obviously, this is my journal, so this is going to be centered on the year I have had. Read: You would think that this year has been the worst year of my life. I can guarantee you; it has been everything but the worst year of my life. If I started on the first three months, and focused on that, as if the year only had three months, then sure, it would have been the worst year of my life to date. But no, three months is only a quarter of the year. And it was only so horrible because I was heart-broken, depressed because of the Winter-season (self-diagnosed S.A.D. right here!), and I was focusing on the bad. Yeah, I have an unfortunate tendency to do that when things just don’t go my way, and I deem them unfair. You’re never really heart-broken anyway, because let’s face it: If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead. So, I was hurting. But look at me! I didn’t kill myself that one day I almost did, I’m still around, and... I wouldn’t even have left a note; just my journal explaining everything depressing and being so dramatic because I was so emotionally unstable and hurt. Oh, and I was guilt-tripping myself to high-hell... which I am never doing again. (But I can’t seem to apologize enough for what I did, obviously. :P) January 10th, I came back from my trip. I told Rob everything on January 12th (I’m pretty sure it was that date, though I don’t really care when it was if you want me to be honest. XD) and then, until about April 20th, or even the beginning of June, I was in the worst place I had ever been. Ever! So far away from the person I wanted to be, from the person I was trying to become, really. I’d say April 20th really; because April 1st is the first day I got out of the house to do stuff involving physical activities. Stuff like Rollerblading outside and such, just to clear my mind and feel the cool breeze against my body. It was needed. And that’s when everything started to get better, on April 1st. On that day, I got my V. College acceptance letter. You should have seen the look on my face – it was brighter than a light bulb, brighter than your 2,000,000 candle-light powered flashlights even, brighter than a kid on Christmas. – I was radiating with joy and fulfillment, really. To me, it’s the only thing I wanted for this year, at the time. Granted, there was always the lingering feeling of being lonely, but I had my friends. I had my family. I had people to keep my spirits uplifted, to keep a smile on my face. When I got the letter and opened it and saw that I had been accepted? Well, let’s just say that later that day I received a message from someone, and that barely got to me. I was too happy to care about anyone else that wasn’t in my life at the moment.

Talk about a ride – and there is certainly no pun intended this time – I met Yazz, I got a job, I got accepted into college, I was heart-broken, I went Trick-or-Treating, I went to La Ronde (AKA Six Flags) with my cousins, I’ve made new friends (which, oddly enough, is something I haven’t done in a while), I’ve seen old-friends, I’ve been in trouble, I’ve gotten caught, I’ve patched things up, I’ve been the source of problems... wow.

So, January, February and March were not exactly the fruit of this year. Those three months served me well in defining the rest of the year for the better part of it, really. If I had to compare every day to the first three months of this year, every day is like paradise. OK, that’s pushing it – as I said, the only reason the first three months or even 5 months of this year sucked so hard was because I couldn’t find a job and I couldn’t get off of my ass to do it. Then I got a job at VMC, thanks to Miguel, and everything picked up. EVERYTHING. Family was alright and things were getting better, I ended up in the evening shift for a week, the day shift for a week, and then another two weeks for the evening shift again. I can tell you now; I currently much prefer the evening shift during the summer. June, July, and August is where it all picked up and everything just went: “You know what Jen, you’ve had enough of this sillyness, I’ve had enough of this sillyness, so let’s pick it up for you for a little bit, alright?” and then it did. I got a job at VMC, courtesy of Miguel. This was the beginning of July. My first week at work, and... haha, yeah. That was something. Then the second week hit – oh, that was even more something. The first week is where everything started, though, coincidentally enough. Then the middle of July hit – that’s where problems started again, but... I guess blew-over rather quickly. Then everything was alright for a while, though I was confused, I was in a much better place. I met Yazz my first week there, through... well. Now, obviously that’s a bias right there – the first glance I caught of him, I checked him out. At that moment he didn’t even know I existed, and I’m not kidding about that. In a funny and somehow (un)fortunate turn of events, he knew Adrian. Or, Adrian knew him. He also knew Ethan and Brian, but I never really conversed with either of ‘em. Um, let’s just say that when Adrian introduced us, and I realized he had glasses, I was interested. See, now here’s the thing: I’m naturally quiet when I meet someone at first. It’s just something I do, I go quiet because I don’t know what they like, or what they don’t like. Although I find I’m a rather easily approachable person, and it has more or less proved me right time and time again. Anywho, I thought he was gay. You guys remember that, right? Oh jesus, he’s never going to let me live that down. How could you blame me? He had the two-shirt thing going on, really nice glasses, really fitting pants... and a heart-sticker on his work-card. I thought he was gay. ...Which didn’t hurt as much as finding out he had a girl-friend? During the first week of work, I was majorly crushing on him – to the point where I actually didn’t go into the “cafe” one day and instead actually asked one of my co-workers who I was working with on a project at the time if I could follow them around. (It’s funny. He smiled, and said yeah. We didn’t talk. At all. We just sat and ate.) It was quite the high-school-quiet-shy-girl rampage I was on, yes. Oh, man. I remember it so well. He was making a coffee and I was just watching him, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. And then he adjusted his glasses and I would have made a little squeaking noise had I have been going through the squeak-phase at that time. But no, I just filled with awesome-panic-induced anxiety, freaked out, found Paul (who is the name of this co-worker), and asked him if I could follow him around for lunch. Every Friday while I was at work, Adrian, Shak, Yazz + I would go out and walk around Montréal. Talk about crazy stuff. Finding a Penis Pump, a bunch of hobo-drunk-Asians (which was really, really weird for me), and Shak getting asked if he had any drugs. That was funny. But, yeah. July was one hell of a good month.

August was no different – I got into school, I was hanging out with Yazz, we started going out with each other on the 20th of August (We have a date for everything, which is kind of funny considering we don`t actually like dating. Lol.)

September came around, and everything was going smoothly. Then October hit, and things started to spiral out of control again – everywhere. Family wasn’t going that great again, things with friends – especially – were spiralling out of control (and, really, they still aren’t that great, but they are getting better... slowly, I guess.)

I wouldn’t say this was the best year of my life. For that to happen, money would have to stop existing, which practically means the end of civilization as is. (Is it ironic that we’re facing a recession currently, or is it just coincidental?) Although I would certainly come close to saying that this year has been one of the most... craziest rides I’ve ever had, and I’ve been on more than 18 roller coasters so far. 

You know, I didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving this year... but I’m thankful for everything, absolutely everything that has happened to me this year. There are things that I can deal with a lot better now, instead of just constantly crying or putting it aside; all thanks to everything that’s happened. You know what? This year wasn’t so bad after-all.

Thanks. You know, I can never seem to stay on topic with journal entries like this. When it comes to talking about the year I've had, I always stray. *shrugs* 

Now, let's start here... Yesterday I went to Three Amigos while I was on my period. That was not fun. Yesterday was also my incapacitation day. There's only one of those this time around, thankfully. I'm not at all incapacitated, and my period is pretty easy this week, so it seems. I don't expect it to be over by Friday though, which is a bit unfortunate in considering that on Friday I'm supposed to be with Yazz and we're supposed to have fun when my parents go shopping. Apparently I don't have a say in it this Friday, though. That is unless I decide to randomly follow Adrian around all day and not show up at my house. (If I sit with my back straight on my chair, my feet don't touch the ground.) Anywho, back to yesterday... during Three Amigo's, when we were leaving (which is also where I unfortunately forgot my hat, I now have no hat again. D;) I got the idea to visit Yazz randomly. So, now my parents know where he lives, which in reality really isn't so much of a bad thing. My mother commented on the size of his house when we got back to our own - "His house is big, isn't it?" "Pff... You, wow. It's, wow." That was my response - or at least something along the lines of that. (I'm currently eating the rest of my mood from Three Amigos that I brought home yesterday - Ribs + Fries. Yummy.) Needless to say, yesterday I was feeling pretty moody. Terrible for the later part of the day, but after I gave Yazz-love-friend a surprise, it cheered me up. Oh, and I don't think I told you this, but yesterday when your dad opened the door to greet me, he said "Hi" and smiled. I think it was a fake smile, though. But me being me, I'm hoping it wasn't. However I'm also sort of hoping he doesn't want to eat me, because... well, no, I am hoping he doesn't, because that's scary. :( (I keep going off-topic, don't I?) Yesterday we were also supposed to put up the Christmas lights. I have to say, I was really looking forward to doing that with you. And then you said "No", and it hurt. It's Christmas, I'm Jen. (Speaking of, I actually read the "Where it all began with Jen - '07" story. It was rather nice in a cute kind of way.) Yesterday, I was also playing MapleStory for a little bit. Yeah, I somehow have free time, boyfriend time, school time, and friend time. What the hell and how, I have no idea at all. Please do not ask because I really couldn't give you an answer. (These ribs are so good.) I remember looking at the clock at one point and going: "Well, I'm not making it to church today." I haven't gone to church in a long while. I don't think Adrian and Yelena are dating anymore. It confuses me. Though I'm not about to ask anything. And yes, this is still on the topic of today/yesterday. Yesterday my mind also started doing the: "Jen, if you distance yourself from him you're less likely to get hurt. You know that." and I was having a conversation with myself about it. I didn't tell it to STFU (Although I'm almost sure I told you that I did), rather I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to distance myself from Yazz. I guess it's the same thing though. I was thinking about Robert... or, Seth this morning. My sister is the one who treated us to Three Amigo's, by the way. *looks at time* Oh, it’s 12:01... You know, I was just trying to take a rib off the rack. That's hard. And I also think that Rib's are over-rated. They are good, but... I don't know. They just aren't as good as well-made, home-done Lasagna in my opinion. I also started to write something about Christmas in “A Day In My Head last night” before bed. (Turns out I also forgot about an entry I tried to write on during October) I tried, but I couldn't get into the writing mood. It's kind of sparse right now, unfortunately, but I know it's there. Oh, and yesterday, we were in the car for a while. I started getting car sick when it wasn't moving again. Haha, funny! We were in the car waiting for my sister to come back from Simon`s to "Pick something up". Now here's the thing: My sister has it... a lot of it, apparently. So, we waited in the car for a good half hour - 45 minutes. I was texting Yazz continuously, bitching and complaining about my period. When she finally got back and we started driving to Three Amigos - keep in mind that earlier I had asked my mother if we could just get our food and leave - I asked her and she was like: "Why?", to which my father eventually responded: "She's on her period." in a very father-like-somewhat-scary tone. (I don't think he enjoys me bitching about it. Haha.) We got to Three Amigo's, and then I went: "I'm staaayiiing heeree..." Now, when I heard what she had to say in response: "Just come in! We don't do this very often", I managed to come up with a smart-ass reply in my head. "Yeah, and I don't get my period that often, either; only once a week for a month. We could do this some other week." Unfortunately I was already pushing myself to get out of the car. Then my sister made us wait for a little while because she had to go to Western Union to deposit monies. Like, what the fuck. Needless to say, I'm quite pleased with how yesterday ended. I don't think it could've ended on a better note, actually. That was some of my Sunday - or rather, a large part of it.

Saturday, all I did was play games. Well, two games, to be exact. MapleStory, and then Unreal Tournament. It's actually a lot harder to get into Maple when you're thinking of an FPS. Eventually I got bored of Maple, realized my LoTR book was in front of me, so I decided to have me-time and read. Then, when I finally went into my room to read, Yazz decided to pop over randomly. And that was nice. It made me happy. I honestly wasn't expecting him to show on Saturday. And when he did, I smiled. As I was reading though, he kind of got into a mood. It’s totally not my fault. All I was doing was reading. I was being Jen. ish. >>; I didn't do anything, OK? He popped over, we both got into a mood, had our fun, then got dressed after like, a 5 minute rest... and then went to his house. I actually completely forgot that I went to his house on Saturday. Probably because I came home sometime Sunday morning, I got home at about 12:45 or so. I think I did better than my first time on Saturday though, for riding. I really do. Obviously room for perfection (always is. :P) but I think I did better. My knees didn't hurt that much. So... my Saturday was pretty crazy. Gaming, Sex, and then chillin' out. You would think that the first and the last would be done at the same time, but no. That's not the way we work, apparently. (And I'm glad for it.) But, yes. In retrospect, I don't have much to say about Saturday. Except that it was a nice, nice Saturday. I really enjoyed it. A bit of a look at what's going to happen at the LAN party, I think that's nice.

Friday was a bit crazy too. What happened was... well, a lot of things. I don’t even remember when I got out of bed on Friday. Really, I got out of bed, went onto the computer – which, I think I ended up feeling crappy. Then Yazz came over... and we started... no that was Tuesday, my mistake.  I went to class, came back home, saw Yazz here... talked to Yazz a little (I think. It`s just one of those things I always do). And eventually we went into my room and just snuggled up to each other, falling asleep for a bit. Then, when I woke up ‘cause I started getting a little fidgety, my mother called and I smiled and looked over toward him. I told him we were goin’ shopping with a smile, but there was a slight hint of disappointment in the recesses of my mind, because I did not want to go shopping, I wanted to stay there and lay with him like that forever. It’s always nice when something like that happens, where we are just lying on my bed or on the ground. So, we got up, got fully-dressed (we were wearing a little amount of clothing from what I remember), proceeded to go shopping. Now, here’s the fun part – while shopping, my mood dropped. I got car-sick, so I had to lay down with my head on my lover’s lap (I didn’t mind that at all, actually. <3 It was very relaxing and nice. Thank-you for letting me do that.) After that, we continued on with our shopping at another place – oh, and by the way, it took forever just to get there. X_x; - we finally got to maxi + cie. Eventually, in the middle of shopping, when we started looking for the pan thingy, I just fell into a mood and I couldn’t get out of it. (Yes, that’s when I fell into the mood.) I became sad, distraught, even tried distancing myself right there. It’s why I started just wandering around. It lasted for a while. Eventually I just left the store; I had to get out of the store. It’s a natural reaction for me to leave, or get up and walk away when I’m not feeling well, so as to not bother other people with my potential mood kill. I walked away, walked out of the doors, and then took a seat. My mother was already outside so I had to hold my crying in a little more... but when my dad called me over to get going, I just... I started crying and walked right into the car with my head down. Slumped down into the chair, and started crying. My mother thought I was cold at first, and I told her I was. Then Yazz got into the car, looked over at me and noticed... and I hate that he did. Well, I hated that he did. All the while I was really hoping he didn’t notice me crying. And he didn’t, at first, because he wasn’t paying immediate attention. But when he noticed, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I started crying and I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t a bad/good cry either, it was an alright cry. There were enough tears let out that night for no reason. I practically cried the whole way back home, and even some at home. When we finally got home, after bringing back water and a few bags, I went into my room, plopped myself onto the bed and just laid there.  Then Yazz came in and flipped me over, and I told him what was wrong. I just said it, out like that. (It was really nice.) And after that, we were just laying there for a little. I told him he had to go, and he said he could stay for a few more minutes. (My Gosh, What a man. <3) And then he flipped me upside down... and I started to giggle uncontrollably. It’s just something that he, specifically does that I can’t help but giggle when he does it. There are a few things actually, but that is the main one. Then I smiled and he let me off of him, so I got down and looked him in the eyes, smiled again and gave him a kiss. I sat down on my bed watching him get ready to go, and then he turned around, to which I said something (I don’t remember what... I think it was “I love you”). He turned to look at me and responded with: “Geez Jen. I love you too. Did you doubt it?” I smiled, nodded jokingly and went: “I’m joking” and he went: “Jen, I just fell in love with you 17 more times in the span of 5 minutes because of you.” So, my Friday was pretty awesome too. 

That was my weekend.
How was yours?

Yazz [65/100 HP][40/100 MP][Current Project: Katar] says (11:25 PM):
at the end
Yazz [65/100 HP][40/100 MP][Current Project: Katar] says (11:25 PM):
you asked me if i loved you
Yazz [65/100 HP][40/100 MP][Current Project: Katar] says (11:26 PM):
also, i didnt notice you were crying for about 5 seconds after i got in the car

( Insight )
I am tired. It's not very nice outside, there's a pretty large overcast. All gray and cloudy with "tiny" patches of blue-sky peering through the clouds. It's also chilly.

I'm a sucker for cute/sad stories.  I'll get all teary-eyed, and start to cry really, really easily. Something Like this would make me cry: Like I said, I'm a sucker for sap-stories.

My life lately has been everything but boring, if you want the truth. Albeit I'm one of those people who define 'boring' as a regular kid who goes to school, sees their friends and doesn't do anything out of the ordinary. Something like Volunteer work is extremely amazing to me at times, and something like a fire in a building close will get me all excited and worried and talking about it, conjuring up theories of how it started or thinking about things like the metro going under-water and making the train water-proof.

I don't act my own age a lot of the time, either. I'm an 18 year old half asian half european female, born and raised in Montreal Quebec who resides in a little part of the city known as Verdun, going to her first semester of college after a year long break.
How exciting does that sound? That's the point, it doesn't sound very exciting at all. If I were to act my age, I'd have to act like... I'd have to be someone else, is what I'm trying to say. I'd act my age. I'd act like a girl. Then I'd act like an 18 year old girl. I'd act Asian and European. I'd be acting like an 18 year old, Azn-Euro female. Oh, and don't forget, Montreal is a media centre for quite a few things, apparently fashion included. So I'd be way out of my comfort zone, really.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If I were to act my own age, I'd be acting, not being myself.
Excuse my language if you so choose to do so, but fuck that. I'm Jen, Jennifer, Jennars, even. I'm not your typical, average every-day girl. I've got my share of drama-induced friendships and relationships. I like different things. I like technology, and gadgets that are useless, and video-games, and computers, and science of certain things, and camp-fires, and food, and... I like a lot of things that an average every-day girl doesn't. I'm not going to change, or act my own age just for someone else to appease them. If you want me to act my own age, I'll just shut up. Fine, I'll stop talking, I get the point, you're embarassed to be around me because I'm happy going off on a tangent about something that doesn't even make sense. *sighs*

My life has been everything but boring, lately. I'm in a rut with my best friend. There is a lot going on in his head, and he won't tell me a thing, so I can't really do anything about it. I know he's worried, I know I'm worried, but nothing is being said, and I don't know why. I don't really know where to start. I manage to spend time with everyone else but him, somehow.

I'd be lying if I said I knew what I was doing all the time, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't know what I was doing all the time.

I think I'm going to end up callin' you "baby" more than I ever have to anyone. Ha-ha. I hope you don't mind?
*shrugs with a random smile on her face*

When I can say it... 10 days.
It's funny how eventful this summer has been... for me. Actually, this whole  year so far.

In August of last year, I started talking to Rob.
In September we had established a relationship. (I think it was September 20th?)
In October, November and December we were still going out.
In December, I went to the Philippines.
I spent my birthday, Christmas, and New Years' there.
The last week of my vacation I met this guy there.
Things fell apart.
I came back from my vacation, and I was single.
I dated the guy that I met there for a month.
Considered breaking up with him on Valentines day, decided that I couldn't. Broke up with him a few days after that.
Went through a super shitty three months at the start of this year. (January, February and March.)
Started looking for a job around the end of February, beginning of March.
Got back with Rob for about 17 days. March 3rd till the 20th.
Almost killed myself on March 26th, 2008. (Got the date down too, how awesome? ;))
Got my Vanier acceptance on April 1st, 2008. (Coincidentally, it was April Fools day.)
And all of a sudden things got better. (Not really.)
Developed a crush on his (Rob's) best friend, Mack.
That went away 'round the end of May or so. Questioned it, realized it was just a crush 'cause I had someone around. (So much for 'loving' someone. XD Aren't you glad I can change so abruptly? :P Sorry sorry, out of line, my bad.)
Heard that my close, best-friend Adrian found a job at a company testing video games. It turns out that America's brother, Miguel was working at the same place. Miguel sent me the survey to fill it in. Filled it in, passed the pre-req finding bugs for the job thing.
I got the job. (Confidence + more?)
I started workin' there and it was fun.
Things happened.
People were met.
Things were said.
A lot has been said, a lot is still being said.
Mis-understandings arose, which are still around... and being resolved, somewhat.
And that's my year so far.

Coincidences/Similarities/Lol-factors:
Rob + Yazz are Scorpio's.
America is Miguel's sister.
America knows Adrian and I.
Mack is Rob's best friend. (Redundant much?)
And I am me!

    So, aside from what's been happening with me, what's been happening with you? It's not that eventful, granted I'm a boring person, but I'd say it's been a pretty crazy ride so far. The year is still meh-like, but day to day is amazing.