I'm going to say this from experience, now - being nice, being clean, "being an innocent but not innocent" person is fucking awesome.

Yazz, I love you so much. 

HAY GUYS GUESS WHUT JEN'S A GIRLIE GIRL BECAUSE OF YAZZ D;
... *smiles* 

'Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night...

i forgot to post this apparently. also, I LOVE YAZZ. I think he's awesome. like, amazing. ;) 

I'm listening to music. It's a Sunday Night, 7:44 PM EST currently. Colbie Caillat playlist right now - the song that's playing is "Begin Again". Anyway.. When the hell did life get so normal for me? I was going to quote what I sent to Yazz today since he was my journal this morning at a buffet I did not want to go to, but I'll just start from scratch. I like thinking of it rather than just mindlessly reading it and typing it down for people to see/read, anyway. *Sighs* I have major ADD right now, this sucks. I want to do my homework, heh. Anyway...

So, I went out with Yazz for dinner last night. Dinner-date type of thing. You know, we don't do the whole 'date' thing. So we hung out and ate dinner at a fancy restaurant. *Sighs and shakes her head then smiles with a slight laugh* Although I sure as hell pretended and told a bunch of people I was going on a dinner-date with Yazz last night. (Sorry, love!) So I got all pretty, wore the skirt and the nice white shirt, brought a change of clothes (really all I brought was a skort because I knew I didn't want to stay in the skirt for too long), and did the whole girly thing where I took about an hour to get ready or so. XD Yes, that's a lot of time for me, considering I don't much care for make up and things like this usually. (But come on, It's Yazz, there's a difference. There shouldn't be but it's nice sometimes that there is.) So, we met up at Villa Maria - fuck, I was 8 minutes late. He called at 7:33, I don't know about what. XD I was on the metro headed to Villa, I missed the metro that would've got me there at 7:30 unfortunately. I called him back while I was going up the escalator and I saw him and I smiled (God damnnnnn itttttttt I can't help it), to which his reply was obviously a smile back. He looked good. ^^ He was wearing a blue lumberjack shirt (Haha :P) and a T-shirt under that. It was either blue or black. The regular Jeans, which is good. I was wearing a skirt, white tank top and a white dress blouse. Pretty + cute Jen ftw. ^^ Hair down, I didn't even have a scrunchie. :O But I brought a bag. It is a necessity (it was the red, small-tiny messenger bag I have). We exchanged the regular "Hi love" and began to walk. (LOL IT'S LIKE A FAIRYTALE THEY WERE WALKING WHILE HOLDING HANDS) We were walking and holding hands. He was actually quite the relaxed man considering his parents and his sister also went out for dinner. I like him like that. It adds a nice touch to his already crazy personality.

You know, I can't walk up the stairs and stare into his eyes. I'm going to trip. How do I know this? I've already done it once. XD And it was hilarious, and I was embarrassed, and I was so glad it happened. =)

So, we walked into Bangkok Express, and we took our seats. The waiter came up to us and gave us our menus. (He was a nice waiter. xD He kept asking me if everything was alright from afar. Yazz couldn't see it 'cause he was facing me, and not... the way I was facing.) The other waiter came along and brought us some fresh water, and lit up the candle. (I think he could tell we were out for a good dinner.) It's been about 4 months since we've done this, mind you. We eat out a bit often, yeah, but not fancy like this, which is nice. We ordered Beef stir fried with oyster sauce and Thai spices. It tasted pretty good, too - I got the lime so mine tasted a little awesomer than Yazz's, but that`s only `cause he gave me the lime. =) We also had Peanut Butter Dumplings, Won-Ton Soup, and Rice with Veggies.

We simply fit together like a piece of apple pie, I will love you in the moonlight and I will love you in the day, always...

We ate, and we were pretty quiet too. At times I thought the quiet was awkward or I just felt like being a retard/silly-face, so I did. And it made Yazz laugh, which is always the highlight of any day I have right now. (You know how nice it is to see someone smile because of something you did? Well, multiply that by your love for them and their love for you. It's unthinkable.) So, I don't know when this happened exactly, but my hand was on the table at one point out of habit and I had nothing to do with it (I'm usually holding his hand or it's in my pocket, or I'm fidgeting with both hands). He looks at me and has this look on his face, and he creeps his hand up to my own and puts it on mine, and I'm staring back (I'm pretty sure I was blushing at this point actually. I'm not sure if Yazz could tell or not, but my cheeks did get hotter), and then he smiles ever so slightly and of course, I can see it, so I smile back. And I'm blushing more now, by this time. So he takes his hand away and then I reach for it. Because his hand feels nice. This stunt repeats another time. Then he looks at me, smiles a bit, laughs a bit, and calls me a weirdo. Do I mind? Not at all. Indeed, I am. I go: "But I like it. Your hand feels nice." and it does. (Yazz has very manly hands. Worker hands. <33) We continue to eat. When he's done, I'm not finished my plate - but I'm honestly pretty full. The food was a lot more than I thought it was, probably 'cause we shared Won-Ton Soup and Peanut Butter Dumplings as well. (The Peanut Butter Dumplings weren't that great this time, unfortunately - but everything else was!) He says I can finish it, but I look at him and tell him I really can't. We're waiting there for a little, and then finally the waiter comes and asks us if we'd like our bill - we both nod and he goes "Alright". Earlier on in the night, a few minutes ago, I asked him if he had cash or was paying with his credit card. He quickly informed me that he was paying with his bank card. So, I sit there staring at him, wondering what he's done, then he realizes he should probably go up there. I hide a light smile and just nod my head, "Yeah, you probably should."  So he pays the bill, comes back and takes his seat. Out of curiosity I naturally ask how much it is - he gives me this look and tells me that he's a man, and that he's not going to tell me. And I, of course, laugh, because that is indeed a hilarious answer to hear. So I bug him about it for a bit, and he tells me randomly. I've forgotten how much it was now, unfortunately. XD 

She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her...

We exit the building and we start walking to his house. It's dark outside, and I get the chills pretty quickly. He asks if I want to wear my jacket and I reply with a "Yeah, that's a good idea". I already have my red messenger bag around me though, right? So I ask him to hold my jacket for a few seconds while I take it off, and he does. My bag is on the floor but his arms are stretched outward, holding my jacket for me and helping me put it on like the gentleman he is. I have a smile on my face because I didn't expect him to be so nice and relaxed during the whole night so far, let alone have the night turn out so amazing - and it wasn't even done yet, eh? So, we're walking along and I'm all smiling and he's smiling, staring at me and he calls me beautiful. <3 We turn up the street and we're walking along Notre Dame Des Graces for a while. I look up at the sky and ohmygeeze it was pretty, beautiful even. Yazz said it was because the night I was having was a good one, but I don't think that's true. Even if I'm having a bad day, I generally think that when it's dark, the stars are out, and it's not that cloudy or too hot or too cold either, it's a nice night. Anyway, I thought the night sky looked gorgeous. Hand-in-hand, we're on our way. We're looking around, and I'm just keeping my mind pre-occupied with silly little nothings. "Oh, it looks like we're getting close to Geoffrey's house." The address was 1035? Or something along that. We had already passed where 'his house' would be, if he lived on that street. Then Yazz says something and my attention is immediately diverted to him, and I forget about all of that stuff. I notice a few people whizzing by on bikes, or roller blades, or just walking by us. It's quiet. It's nice. It's almost perfect. Almost. And then he whisks me around and gives me one of the most amazing looks he has, and he moves in closer, and I am all of a sudden surprised with a kiss. This lasts for a good minute and a half. And I'm in his arms, and he's holding me, and my arms slide up to around his neck and around him, and everything is perfect. There's no music, there doesn't need to be. The silence really is golden, and no, duct tape isn't silver in this case. This moment is perfect, and absolutely nothing ruined it. I entered my silly Jen-panic mode right after he let me go and we brushed lips and looked into each others eyes and gave each other that little smile.

It feels so good it must be love, it's everything that I've been dreamin' of - I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin...

So, needless to say, last night was amazing.

This entry was posted at 9.41 PM. Time to finish reading one story and leave another three or two for tomorrow.

Writers Block: Probably try and drink something upside down. The thing is, I don't do it often, and when I do it's in the "heat of the moment" so to speak, so I don't realize until it's too late. XD 

Nervous Jen: Do I really have to explain this? I'm a girl, my god I am a girl when it comes to Yazz, and I haven't the slightest idea as to why. Maybe it's because I'm Head-over-heels for him? Haha, I'm a little cuter... *sighs* I can't listen to cute music because it reminds me of him >.> And it's like "OH HEY JEN GUESS WHAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YAZZ AND HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU AND ISN'T THE WORLD WONDERFUL?" And you know, yes. Yes it is.

The Silly Thing: 
"We need to get you super exhausted and then you can spend the night with me."
Explanation: 
I've been reading Least I could do the past while. Awesome comic is awesome. Updated every day. Woo! 

(I miss you right now) 

I am not in a good mood. I am really, really not. I'm so annoyed and "pissy" and irritated. I've been in a terrible mood since Sunday or Monday night. Maybe even Tuesday night. It was on Tuesday night and I just started bawling for no reason what so ever, other than I was horribly depressed. Woo, birth control pills and hormones fucking me up greatly.

I'm not kidding, though. Every single time my mother talks to me lately, or anyone for that matter when I don't want to talk to them, I just kind of ignore or tell them to shut up. It's not a good thing and I know this.

Ah, I have to go to work.

GUESS WHAT


:D

xD

I'm hyper and in a good mood^^

Pyew pyew~

You've got a smile that could light up this whole town, I haven't seen it in a while...

XP C'est tellement pas juste. Don't you get it? I swear, des fois je pense que tu est une gars trop normal, et ca la, sa me fait beaucoup mal. Mais je suppose que c'etait une des mes souhaits. And it's not like I know that is completely true, right? C'est juste que, dans des instance rare, il se sent comme ca. And it sucks.

Je ne veux pas une gars qui est normale, je pense que c'est comprehensible. (It's also a cause d'une gars normale ne peux pas me manipuler tres bonne come toi, mon amour.)

I guess that's why it kind of hurts to see your smile sometimes. C'est tellement folle et belle, que je suis un petit peux effrayé a cause de je suis peur je ne vais pas toujours etre en mesure de vous fair sourire a nouveau, apres je le fais.

But I guess that's a bit of life.

I guess that's why it kind off hurts to see your spalling hammer sometimes.

I'm not going to use the "decade", but rather I'll use the "time frame". I'd like to be born 88-89-90-91. Any time during those four years ain't so bad, to be honest.

In other news; I'M ALIVE AGAIN! Yes, yes...

I watched Pan's Labrynth last night. It was pretty crazy. That thing with the eye-hands ? Scary.

...I smell Aikou farts/poo around. >_>; Or maybe that's just my mind 'cause my dad's outback smokin' some pot. ENNYWEIGH;

The last 4 days have been something nice. Yazz and I were on a "camping trip" - as in we were supposed to go camping, but we decided against that and stayed at my house. He actually brought Aikou over -- (And let it be known that my mother is an ignorant idiot) which was pretty cool -- so we took her out in the morning and stuff. ^_^

I got a job at VMC again. 9 - 5 Shift. Fuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn. I'm not sure if anyone I know is going to be there, on my team, or if I'm even going to get to see anyone I know (besides Pierre, of course).

I'm officially terrified of moths. My eyes are all puffy from being scared to death and crying because of a moth.
It's moths and butterflies.

And I couldn't move for half an hour
And I kept hyperventilating
You know, the usual when something happens to you and you're scared out of your wits.

Moths and butterflies. Ha-ha, butterflies.

It is really fucking hard to calm myself down right now. I'm still crying slightly.

Good News: "I peed blood." No babies.

Yes, Sir.

On another note, that same sir is a sweetie. <3

*smiles slightly* though my eyes are for the world, my heart is only for you

Conversation on MSN with Yazz, Geoff & I

Geoffrey Says: 
What's our Story?

Song I'm Listening to, immediately after Geoffrey says that:
"Sexual Healing~"

*sighs*
You know why I love life? I absolutely love life because of little things like that.

The other day Yazz and I were getting heated, and... I think it was either How it's Made or Mythbusters.
The announcer said something about Wood
And we both just stopped and laughed.

<3

Apparently, the announcer also said something about lifting a steel rod...
But I was kinda busy to notice it. XD 

Today, I saw Yazz. We took Aikou out! 

After that, we went to go to plumbing stores. But all the plumbing stores we saw were closed! (Oh noes!) But on our way there, we saw mattresses. However, on our way to the second plumbing store where the mattress was, there was an alarm going off! So we decided to save it 'till later. While we were walking up, we noticed a whole bunch of Firetrucks were surrounding the area. We joked that it was going to the house with the alarm. On our way back, we noticed that all the trucks were right near the house where the mattress was, also where the alarm was. But they left while we were walking to it, so we took the mattress. ^^ 

Then we got back to Yazz's house. :O But his mother and sister appeared out of no where. >_> I was not pleased about this. I don't think he was either. But, then they left! Again! I don't know why. XD So we continued on our way and went to Home Depot and Harveys. We ate for a while. But then it was 4:30 and we had to rush... so we could shop and find things we needed.

We did that, and my face was neon pink. :O It was glowing, a lot. o///o (We don't even know why. I think it was because of the hot peppers. They were really hot!  >///<) We kept shopping for a while. Then I told Yazz that I wanted to sit on a hill while we were waiting for someone to talk to. he smiled and went: "OKay, we'll sit on a hill for a little when we're done shopping." Eventually, he decided to just finish shopping because it was taking too long. ):

So after that, we went to... Hill Park! :D I was happy when we finally got there, because I could just fall onto the ground and collapse. ^^ And I did that at first. Then I put my head on Yazz's chest and listened to his heart beat. My hair was tickling him. His heart beat was nice to listen to. For a little while, we were just silent and staring out toward Montreal or staring into the sky and relaxing. I was scratching his head. ^^ He likes when I do that. *nods* But then, all of a sudden, he grabbed me (!!) and we started rolling down the hill... And I couldn't stop laughing! =^//^= (It was amazing)

We kept rolling down the hill a lot. I hurted Yazz accidentally the last time 'cause I got careless and too hyper and excited. I poked him in the eyes with my chin. =( He complained. I thought it was funny, but I don't think it's funny anymore because I think it hurts. -nod-

The rolling around caused me to be happy enough that I've not completely stopped smiling yet. And it's 8:12 right now. And that was about two hours ago, or so.

Summarized: Went out with Yazz. Took Aikou out. Found a mattress. Got it. Went to Harveys and Home Depot. Bought stuff. Went to Hill Park. Chilled. Rolled Around, causing Jen to be incredibly happy.

I thinks Yazz is the greatest evar. <3 + 3 + 2.......

I am tired. <33

Jen: What if I don't wanna pull a CSI?
Yazz: You don't have to pull anything, you just have to call'em.
Jen: Oh... but you're the dead body, and you're responding.
Yazz: I'm just a figment of your imagination.
Jen: No you're not. -- Yazz ?
Yazz: Maybe you're like Sue thompson --
Jen: Yazz?
Yazz: From the thing... umm... from.. Medium... and you can talk to the...
Jen: Puppy?
Yazz: And talk to the thing... Yes?
I love you.
Yazz: I love you too!
Awesome.
Yazz: ohmygod, when my voice goes into this tone exactly, I can feel it in the mattress. Hummm....
Really?
Yazz: Humm... It's vibratin' my face.
Yazz...?
Yazz: Mhmm?
Can I have a kiss?
Yazz: No.
Oh, why not?
Yazz: 'cause you can have three.
Can I have three kisses?
Yazz: That's what I just said!
So come here and give me three kisses!
Yazz: HOMIGOSH! ... I know what you're doing.
How do you know?
Yazz: Put down the camera.
...But you're pretty!
Yazz + Jen: *Laughs*
Yazz: Put down the camera.
Come here!
Yazz: Put down the camera and I'll give you three kisses.
Come here first.
Yazz: No!
Why not?
Yazz: 'cause I don't want you taking my pictures.
I'm not taking your picture!
Yazz: You're taking a picture of something.
No I'm not. Well, OKay, I KIND OF am taking your picture.
Yazz: OK, how are you kind of taking my picture? 
'cause, it's magic
Yazz: no it's not magic
yes it is magic
Yazz: no, you have to promise you won't take my picture if i come give you three kisses
...okay I promise I won't take your picture if you come give me three kisses. ... Ohhh <33 ... I love you silly puppy.
Yazz: I love you too- HEY you're breaking your promise
I'm not
Yazz: Yes you are, you're taking my picture
I'm not taking your picture ^^
Yazz: ...Are you taking video?
Yup! ^o^ *giggles*
Yazz: Curtain of privacy~

I'm at home. It's 3:26 PM on Saturday the 15th of March, 2009. I'm by myself.

I've been feeling lonely for the past few days. I noticed yesterday, when it was morning. *sighs* It... sucks. It does. Maybe I'm just thinking of certain things too much. Things that aren't important and I shouldn't be dwelling on them in the first place. I just... I can't help it.

The past two days have been... rather, the past four or five days have been something. It's not about someone 'filling in a void', either. I'm just feeling lonely. I don't know why. I've been giving it some thought, trying to figure out why. I mean, yesterday I was hanging out with Adrian - like we used to do, back in sec 2 3 4 and 5. And I don't think I was feeling it then. I might have been feeling distant, but that's because we don't hang out nearly as much any more. When I left, I was feeling better. Then I got home, shit flew again, and... at around 7 PM everything was normal.

"Normal? But Jen, define 'normal'"
...Everything was perfect. I might have been slightly annoyed, or still in a ranting mood. I might have been crying, or tearing up from earlier on in the day. But it was still perfect. It was still like every other day, dull, boring, practically meaningless.

I guess I'm bored, too. I'm not bored with the people I know, or the people around me. I'm just... bored of the routine. You know, Yazz? I really do need something constructive to do. Something that I'm genuinely interested in that I can do.

I'm bored of being on the PC. I'm kind of bored of gaming, and reading.

Then again, I guess it's because it's Spring. I'm waiting for it to be warm enough so I can go outside and run. Run happily. Be out of breath, completely red in the face, all at the same time feeling amazing. Whether it's running through rain for cover with Yazz (last summer? That was fun.) or if it's racing home on my bike before it starts pouring tsunamis.

I mean, when I hang out with a bunch of friends - even if I am distant, we're just chilling. Just relaxing. Just... I don't worry. I'm not Jen, when I'm with them. Not completely. I don't worry as much. I go to a friends house, immediately forget about everything that's happened, unless It's really getting to me. And it's only ever happened a few times that it's really gotten to me. *Takes a deep breath then sighs, leaning her head back against the chair*

Almost everything is moving way too fast for me. It was a nice change of pace at first. And now that I want it to slow down, it won't. Even I know this. I'm not worried that it won't. I'm not worried that it'll speed up even more, either. I'm almost expecting it to, now that the sun's out and the like.

But, like the title says. It's just me rambling.

Hush and stop bitching about the negative shit. You've got it good, silly. You know this.

And you caught yourself smack dab in the middle of falling and "not being able to pick yourself up"
Congratz, jen. <3

- Love,

Yourself.

I'm... sort of afraid... no, I am afraid of displeasing people. In fact, I'm afraid of being wrong quite often. But you know what? That's fading rather quickly. People make mistakes. I guess it's because I know I can do things, and somewhere along the line I really did finally come to terms with failing. (I mean, it'd only make sense. XD)

Don't get me wrong, being right is great. It feels so good when you prove someone else wrong... it's kind of why I like discussing, though. If I'm ever proved wrong, then I can have a more intriguing conversation if I so choose. It's nice if I can talk to a friend about 2012 or religion continuously without going: "OH SHIT IT'S TRUE! So That's why they have a midnight mass on Christmas..." (Don't take any offence to that, I really didn't realize it until right then)

Around grade five, I actually started to hate math. I just didn't give a shit. I failed, I felt so  horrible about it - what do you expect, I had an asian mother with the highest expectations ever for me at Grade five. I was going to become a doctor, I was going to be a dentist, I was going to be a lawyer, I was going to be something so possibly fake to myself and I didn't even realize it. But no, I failed when we got to multiplication and division. That's where my self-esteem died. My mother made me stay up until it was... 1 30 AM one time, forcing me to memorize multiplication tables. She was an asian parent. Meaning she did hit me whenever I got it wrong. I was crying, and doing multiplication tables. My god I never thought life would be so hard at that age. And you know what, thinking back about it, that really probably was the hardest stage of my life so far, up until grade ten. To this day, I still don't know them all by heart. I use my fingers for math, etc. I suck at division and the like. I`m no good at fractions, either... rubbish, almost. But I'm getting there with practice. Just the multiplication tables? I just can't. I don't know why. I've never been good with word problems, either. Gracious, no. They confuse me.

I really, really like math. I just hate how it`s so blown-up in today`s society, that everyone says: "You have to be good at everything to get anywhere", and I hate how true it is.

Sorry. I was going to write more but I lost the feeling. XD
<3

Fellow readers, as we all know it is the end of November – practically the beginning of December – a time for celebration of the winter solstice and Christmas / Yule season. Also, my birthday is soon. And Jesse’s birthday is today. Happy birthday, Jesse!

Now, taking a look back at this year – starting from the earliest months – you’d think that this was one of the worst years on record for a single person. Obviously, this is my journal, so this is going to be centered on the year I have had. Read: You would think that this year has been the worst year of my life. I can guarantee you; it has been everything but the worst year of my life. If I started on the first three months, and focused on that, as if the year only had three months, then sure, it would have been the worst year of my life to date. But no, three months is only a quarter of the year. And it was only so horrible because I was heart-broken, depressed because of the Winter-season (self-diagnosed S.A.D. right here!), and I was focusing on the bad. Yeah, I have an unfortunate tendency to do that when things just don’t go my way, and I deem them unfair. You’re never really heart-broken anyway, because let’s face it: If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead. So, I was hurting. But look at me! I didn’t kill myself that one day I almost did, I’m still around, and... I wouldn’t even have left a note; just my journal explaining everything depressing and being so dramatic because I was so emotionally unstable and hurt. Oh, and I was guilt-tripping myself to high-hell... which I am never doing again. (But I can’t seem to apologize enough for what I did, obviously. :P) January 10th, I came back from my trip. I told Rob everything on January 12th (I’m pretty sure it was that date, though I don’t really care when it was if you want me to be honest. XD) and then, until about April 20th, or even the beginning of June, I was in the worst place I had ever been. Ever! So far away from the person I wanted to be, from the person I was trying to become, really. I’d say April 20th really; because April 1st is the first day I got out of the house to do stuff involving physical activities. Stuff like Rollerblading outside and such, just to clear my mind and feel the cool breeze against my body. It was needed. And that’s when everything started to get better, on April 1st. On that day, I got my V. College acceptance letter. You should have seen the look on my face – it was brighter than a light bulb, brighter than your 2,000,000 candle-light powered flashlights even, brighter than a kid on Christmas. – I was radiating with joy and fulfillment, really. To me, it’s the only thing I wanted for this year, at the time. Granted, there was always the lingering feeling of being lonely, but I had my friends. I had my family. I had people to keep my spirits uplifted, to keep a smile on my face. When I got the letter and opened it and saw that I had been accepted? Well, let’s just say that later that day I received a message from someone, and that barely got to me. I was too happy to care about anyone else that wasn’t in my life at the moment.

Talk about a ride – and there is certainly no pun intended this time – I met Yazz, I got a job, I got accepted into college, I was heart-broken, I went Trick-or-Treating, I went to La Ronde (AKA Six Flags) with my cousins, I’ve made new friends (which, oddly enough, is something I haven’t done in a while), I’ve seen old-friends, I’ve been in trouble, I’ve gotten caught, I’ve patched things up, I’ve been the source of problems... wow.

So, January, February and March were not exactly the fruit of this year. Those three months served me well in defining the rest of the year for the better part of it, really. If I had to compare every day to the first three months of this year, every day is like paradise. OK, that’s pushing it – as I said, the only reason the first three months or even 5 months of this year sucked so hard was because I couldn’t find a job and I couldn’t get off of my ass to do it. Then I got a job at VMC, thanks to Miguel, and everything picked up. EVERYTHING. Family was alright and things were getting better, I ended up in the evening shift for a week, the day shift for a week, and then another two weeks for the evening shift again. I can tell you now; I currently much prefer the evening shift during the summer. June, July, and August is where it all picked up and everything just went: “You know what Jen, you’ve had enough of this sillyness, I’ve had enough of this sillyness, so let’s pick it up for you for a little bit, alright?” and then it did. I got a job at VMC, courtesy of Miguel. This was the beginning of July. My first week at work, and... haha, yeah. That was something. Then the second week hit – oh, that was even more something. The first week is where everything started, though, coincidentally enough. Then the middle of July hit – that’s where problems started again, but... I guess blew-over rather quickly. Then everything was alright for a while, though I was confused, I was in a much better place. I met Yazz my first week there, through... well. Now, obviously that’s a bias right there – the first glance I caught of him, I checked him out. At that moment he didn’t even know I existed, and I’m not kidding about that. In a funny and somehow (un)fortunate turn of events, he knew Adrian. Or, Adrian knew him. He also knew Ethan and Brian, but I never really conversed with either of ‘em. Um, let’s just say that when Adrian introduced us, and I realized he had glasses, I was interested. See, now here’s the thing: I’m naturally quiet when I meet someone at first. It’s just something I do, I go quiet because I don’t know what they like, or what they don’t like. Although I find I’m a rather easily approachable person, and it has more or less proved me right time and time again. Anywho, I thought he was gay. You guys remember that, right? Oh jesus, he’s never going to let me live that down. How could you blame me? He had the two-shirt thing going on, really nice glasses, really fitting pants... and a heart-sticker on his work-card. I thought he was gay. ...Which didn’t hurt as much as finding out he had a girl-friend? During the first week of work, I was majorly crushing on him – to the point where I actually didn’t go into the “cafe” one day and instead actually asked one of my co-workers who I was working with on a project at the time if I could follow them around. (It’s funny. He smiled, and said yeah. We didn’t talk. At all. We just sat and ate.) It was quite the high-school-quiet-shy-girl rampage I was on, yes. Oh, man. I remember it so well. He was making a coffee and I was just watching him, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. And then he adjusted his glasses and I would have made a little squeaking noise had I have been going through the squeak-phase at that time. But no, I just filled with awesome-panic-induced anxiety, freaked out, found Paul (who is the name of this co-worker), and asked him if I could follow him around for lunch. Every Friday while I was at work, Adrian, Shak, Yazz + I would go out and walk around Montréal. Talk about crazy stuff. Finding a Penis Pump, a bunch of hobo-drunk-Asians (which was really, really weird for me), and Shak getting asked if he had any drugs. That was funny. But, yeah. July was one hell of a good month.

August was no different – I got into school, I was hanging out with Yazz, we started going out with each other on the 20th of August (We have a date for everything, which is kind of funny considering we don`t actually like dating. Lol.)

September came around, and everything was going smoothly. Then October hit, and things started to spiral out of control again – everywhere. Family wasn’t going that great again, things with friends – especially – were spiralling out of control (and, really, they still aren’t that great, but they are getting better... slowly, I guess.)

I wouldn’t say this was the best year of my life. For that to happen, money would have to stop existing, which practically means the end of civilization as is. (Is it ironic that we’re facing a recession currently, or is it just coincidental?) Although I would certainly come close to saying that this year has been one of the most... craziest rides I’ve ever had, and I’ve been on more than 18 roller coasters so far. 

You know, I didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving this year... but I’m thankful for everything, absolutely everything that has happened to me this year. There are things that I can deal with a lot better now, instead of just constantly crying or putting it aside; all thanks to everything that’s happened. You know what? This year wasn’t so bad after-all.

Thanks. You know, I can never seem to stay on topic with journal entries like this. When it comes to talking about the year I've had, I always stray. *shrugs* 

So, I haven't studied all weekend and I have a test in a few hours on Chapter 4. Could always do the "Fresh memory" thing, but I doubt that's going to work. I'm going to start making notes in half an hour.

I slept weird. My neck hurts. I'm not in the best of moods this morning. I slept with your shirt. I woke up and I found both Cuddles and Puppy on the floor laying together. It's kind of funny. No worries Jennar... -hugs her knees- I really think something is going to go terribly wrong today.
I hope I'm wrong. I really hope I'm wrong. Things don't even feel right this morning.
Wouldn't it be funny if I was with Yazz and I fainted? I think I'd like to do that today. I don't think he'd appreciate it though, and it's not like I can actually will myself into fainting.

Ugh, I hate how today feels. Nothing feels in place, nothing feels right, everything feels weird - and not the good kind of weird that when you wake up you're smiling already and birds are singing on an autumn day, the weird that you know something's up but you're not able to pinpoint it at all - I am in an uncomfortable zone right now.

I want to lock myself in my room and pretend I'm a kid all-over-again... *sighs* 

I'm actually somewhat frightened.

"I do miss you a lot. =/"

...
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about you from time to time, and how much I know I fucked up. (Ha-ha. Wow.)
I'm sorry this is late, but I didn't know whether I should  have done it or not. So, "Happy Birthday to you. I hope you're having a good one." It's funny. What's going through  my head aren't alarms, but kind of an "AHHH! WHAT DO I DO?!" I'm talking to Andrew about it and it's funny, because he asked if I was going to ignore the message, and I went: "No, no no, I can't completely ignore someone who's a friend" 
XD Silly foolish Jen, when will she learn? *sighs* 
I find it funny, It's funny that I get it today, And today is Ricky/Nino's party, And last year I called you at the party, or at least got a call from you 'cause I missed you. Yeah, I remember small, little things. Both the good and the bad. Iss juss who I am. ^^;

I have Ricky/Nino's birthday today, at their house, and I just spent... a good 24 hours with Yazz. Literally. So, right now I'm not feeling too well. I don't want to walk because of my period.

I talked to Yazz about you. He's the only one who knows anything, by the way, Rob. And I still haven't told anyone certain things you've told me. I promised I wouldn't. Granted, there was one time in September where I wrote a letter. I was tempted to put it in the journal, but I went against it. I don't think it was better judgement, something just told me not to. Yazz got it, and I asked him not to read it. He didn't. He threw it away. I wanted to burn the letter, but... decided against that. (Fire... Haha.)

I'm glad that you do miss me, though. Because I miss you too. ^^; I guess hoping against hope wasn't in vain, right? *sighs with a smile* And here Jen was with Yazz last night, coming home from Adrian's house and a movie, wishing that everything was fine. (I wish on stars. The first one I see, usually.)

Seriously, wow. I really didn't expect that.
This weekend has been pretty insane. I'm on my period, I've had a good weekend even if it has been raining outside all day. I've done nothing but lay in bed and watch porn today, actually. Yeah. o_o; It's been an odd weekend.

I have to go, I'll edit this entry when I come back to expand.
I'm back. Still cramp-like, and it hurts like heck but oh well.
So, I was talking to Yazz about it. Texting.
I think I still remember your number, too. I'm not going to post it in the journal for obvious reasons, but yeah, it might be one of those numbers that I'm just never going to forget. (There's only been one number like that so far, and that number... well, it has no real significance. Actually, it has a lot of significance. It's the number of where I met Arsene, on Chateubriand near Rosemount metro. Where I switched from St. Brendan to St. Patrick. Where I went toboganing with my dad very often. [/tangent])

I'm surprised. In a good way, hopefully.
(I'm still used to calling you Rob.)

Yazz are cuddle.

*Tilts her head*
I get really into my roles sometimes, don't I?
Hmm.

I think it's kind of useful, but more destructive toward me if anything.
I'll make myself think about things that'll make me sad and such to keep myself in that kind of mood. I shouldn't do that. Going to have to try and stop doing that. I`ve stopped before when I felt it was getting too close to breaking point, just to test myself. Why? Why not?

...*Goes to get distracted for the fifth time* http://dailycostume.com/archive/whoneedsbigtits/ <-- HAH. XD

I smell like tag. <3

You're going to give me diabetes.
(It's like falling in love with you all-over again.) [I melted when you said that.]