( Insight )
I am tired. It's not very nice outside, there's a pretty large overcast. All gray and cloudy with "tiny" patches of blue-sky peering through the clouds. It's also chilly.

I'm a sucker for cute/sad stories.  I'll get all teary-eyed, and start to cry really, really easily. Something Like this would make me cry: Like I said, I'm a sucker for sap-stories.

My life lately has been everything but boring, if you want the truth. Albeit I'm one of those people who define 'boring' as a regular kid who goes to school, sees their friends and doesn't do anything out of the ordinary. Something like Volunteer work is extremely amazing to me at times, and something like a fire in a building close will get me all excited and worried and talking about it, conjuring up theories of how it started or thinking about things like the metro going under-water and making the train water-proof.

I don't act my own age a lot of the time, either. I'm an 18 year old half asian half european female, born and raised in Montreal Quebec who resides in a little part of the city known as Verdun, going to her first semester of college after a year long break.
How exciting does that sound? That's the point, it doesn't sound very exciting at all. If I were to act my age, I'd have to act like... I'd have to be someone else, is what I'm trying to say. I'd act my age. I'd act like a girl. Then I'd act like an 18 year old girl. I'd act Asian and European. I'd be acting like an 18 year old, Azn-Euro female. Oh, and don't forget, Montreal is a media centre for quite a few things, apparently fashion included. So I'd be way out of my comfort zone, really.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If I were to act my own age, I'd be acting, not being myself.
Excuse my language if you so choose to do so, but fuck that. I'm Jen, Jennifer, Jennars, even. I'm not your typical, average every-day girl. I've got my share of drama-induced friendships and relationships. I like different things. I like technology, and gadgets that are useless, and video-games, and computers, and science of certain things, and camp-fires, and food, and... I like a lot of things that an average every-day girl doesn't. I'm not going to change, or act my own age just for someone else to appease them. If you want me to act my own age, I'll just shut up. Fine, I'll stop talking, I get the point, you're embarassed to be around me because I'm happy going off on a tangent about something that doesn't even make sense. *sighs*

My life has been everything but boring, lately. I'm in a rut with my best friend. There is a lot going on in his head, and he won't tell me a thing, so I can't really do anything about it. I know he's worried, I know I'm worried, but nothing is being said, and I don't know why. I don't really know where to start. I manage to spend time with everyone else but him, somehow.

I'd be lying if I said I knew what I was doing all the time, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't know what I was doing all the time.

"I love Hockey + Beer sometimes. :XD I know that sounds odd, but when the strike was going on, since Molson Canadian is (or rather was) a large sponsor, they made several commercials relating to hockey. They were good, and amusing."

OK, it's time to share.
There's this guy that I love.
Not like, but love.
I'm practically head over heels for him.
There are barriers around my heart that refuse to stay down constantly, but one time I managed to shut them all off, including the back ups. At least,  I told myself that.
He's really sweet.
I say 'practically' because I don't really know what practical is.

I'm not logical, I know that. I can go from super happy to sad in a matter of minutes(not seconds, like it used to be). I'm not a big girl, at all for that matter. I still sleep with a stuffed animal. I hold grudges that shouldn't be help toward the ones you love. But that's the way I am. I can't cry in front of people, be it lover, let alone parents. OK, that's wrong. I can, I just don't like to. I've rarely cried in front of people, ever. I've cried in school once or twice, only.

It's the little words in life that count, you know? But they're the ones that are said the least. It isn't hard to tell someone that you brighten their day by just being around you, or that when you smile it feels like your whole world is complete. They're small, very small things that are rarely said. It's funny, isn't it?

I've been working on this entry since about 10 AM. I took a nap at about 10:12 or so, because I wasn't feeling well. I've been more clingy lately.

My cat used to have very funny/cute tendencies. She used to go to sleep on chairs only. Under the table, usually. If she got too hot, she'd come to the living room and sleep in here. We let her go out and sometimes I thought she wouldn't come back, but she did. One evening, we let her out. Well, more like we opened the door and she 'escaped'. She ran outside, and I got really, really worried. She didn't come back for a few days, this was around Christmas time too. I rang the bell, and she wouldn't turn up. A few days went by, and one morning when I woke up, I was getting ready for school and there she was -- she was on the chair, sleeping. 

I don't have any idea where she is now. My mother gave her away, and I miss her so much. This happens at least once a year, I'm not surprised. I go into a rut and I can't get out of it until a few weeks, or a couple of months. It's not exactly the most opportune time to do this, either. I've got a few things due this week, and this weekend. I'd rather not postpone it though, I would prefer to enjoy myself. (Obviously.)

I don't like this time of year. Everything is always so erratic and stressful. OK, that's a half-truth. Everything at home is always so erratic and stressful. It's funny, I've missed being at home more as of late.

There's one assignment that I need to do left that I don't want to bother with. *sighs* Stupid Sociology assignment. The course itself is interesting, as is Skills at times (rarely though, it coincides with Work, Future and Yourself) but teh homeworkz is annoyingz.

Wishing for a never-ending isn't a bad thing...

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so farmiliar a gleam
I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream...

(Ten points and a cookie if you can guess where the song is from, people. And if Yazz can guess it, then he gets a hug added to that.)

If I start to care again, I'm going to start crying more. But, you know what? I think that's OK. I think that's alright. Because if I do care, then it just makes the world that much better. And, let's face it... we need all the help we can get.